Week 5

Day 29 

My bigs are going away with school tomorrow (3 days) I can't help but feel envious of this, I have a real yearning for camping and fire pits and nature at the moment, although the British weather is quite frankly p***ing me off, so my day is filled with washing/drying/packing their clothes for the trip. (I hope they have the best time) 

I keep finding myself getting excited for our family holiday at Camber-sands this year, I really can't wait to have fun with my family....sober, I excited but also nervous as sometimes the wine witch pops her head in and says " ah you can have a few your 4 weeks sober, you deserve it" I am actually getting annoyed of her voice. 

Day 31

Today I began my managing emotion cause and we have been learning about naming and labelling emotions, apartly it helps to know what your feeling, sometimes I don't even know what I'm feeling, anger could be seen in my physical form but inside I would just be fearful or completely overwhelmed. We discussed many breathing techniques, box breathing, meditation and STOP.

The S.T.O.P. method is a mindfulness practice that can help people become more aware of their body, emotions, and behavior. It's an acronym for four steps that can help people pause, ground themselves in the present moment, and observe their emotional state without judgment:

1. 1. S

   Stop what you're doing when it's safe to do so. Put things down for a minute.
2. 2. T

   Take a few deep breaths. You can also take a minute to breathe normally and follow your breath in and out of your nose.
3. 3. O

   Observe your experience, including your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and physical sensations. Don't pass judgment on any of them, just notice that they are there.
4. 4. P

   Proceed with more awareness and focus on one task. You can try something that will support you in the moment, like talking to a friend, rubbing your shoulders, or having a cup of tea

I've been giving the box breathing and STOP a good go and have been really surprised how well they have worked, obviously I'm just learning and we're all only human after all so there are days when I'm totally exhausted and just don't have the ability to STOP or breathe and my husband may get to enjoy that once he gets home from a long day at work that day. (joke) hes really great and supportive husband but guess what hes human too and we have 4 more tiny humans all producing their own feelings without the ability to understand or control them which is exacerbating. 

DAY 35 

Today I'm running a 5k pretty muddy with a fantastic group of women that I've not seen since winter, they are incredibly supportive of everyone in the team, and I am really looking forward to return to my football fix now that my mental health is getting better, it's taken around 6 months to feel confident enough to socialise again, it's hard to ignore the paranoia voice telling you people don't like you or think your a weirdo, box breathing helps, this is where you breathe in for 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4 and hold and repeat until you feel better. Not something I would like anyone to see me performing but it works and stops the panicked feeling a feel. 

Today was my first event "out out" at an engagement party for an old friend so I shower all the muddy fun had this afternoon and get ready, I collect a friend on the way and we take our eldest kids with us, I even stopped at the garage (because I'm shit at remembering theses things) and buy them a bottle of Prosecco (didn't bother me at the slightest) but not something I'll always continue to do given my Newley found sobriety. 
the party was lovely and it was so nice to catch up with them but I found myself wanting to leave after 2-3 hours (there is only so much AF you can do) so I used my long day as an excuse to head of home before the alcohol started to kick in...baby steps for me at the moment, I still had a great time and I was glad that I attended for my friend to show my respect and love for her.